Combating Perfectionism During Wedding Planning: How to Let Go and Enjoy the Ride

Planning a wedding can feel like a magical whirlwind — a once-in-a-lifetime moment where dreams meet reality. But if you're a perfectionist (or love one), you may have noticed that the quest for the “perfect day” can quickly turn into a stress-fueled spiral.

Perfectionism during wedding planning shows up in sneaky ways: obsessing over invitation fonts, micromanaging vendors, or endlessly tweaking your seating chart at 2 a.m. While it comes from a place of care and love, perfectionism can rob you of the joy in this chapter of your life.

Here’s how to combat perfectionism and embrace a more peaceful, joyful planning experience.

1. Redefine What “Perfect” Really Means

Perfectionists often equate “perfect” with flawless execution — but your wedding doesn’t need to be a Pinterest board come to life. Try reframing your idea of perfection as a day that feels meaningful, joyful, and true to you as a couple. That could mean a few DIY touches, heartfelt toasts, or dancing barefoot under the stars — even if the flowers aren’t exactly what you envisioned.

💡 Ask yourself: “Will this matter in five years?” If the answer is no, let it go.

Writers Note: As a planner, I thought I could and would cover every detail and have the perfect day. Full disclosure, and no surprise, things went 'wrong'. Things that were out of my control, and things that months prior the thought of would have sent me spiraling. But honestly, when the day came, it didn't even matter. My entire focus was on my now-husband. We pivoted, we improvised, we loved, and it became part of our wild and perfectly-us day. My favorite part of the entire day was a moment we did not plan that happened spontaneously. A variation of this will likely happen on your day too, and it makes it even more special. I promise.

2. Hire the Right Wedding Planner (Yes, Really)

One of the most powerful ways to combat perfectionism? Stop trying to do everything yourself. DIY culture can make you feel like you have to handcraft every detail to make your wedding “personal” — but in reality, overcommitting leads to burnout and stress. The internet and social media has put so much pressure on everyone, particularly brides-to-be.

An experienced, reputable, down-to-earth wedding planner is worth their weight in gold. Look for someone who:

• Listens closely to your vision

• Respects your personality and boundaries

• Gently guides you without being pushy

• Knows how to prioritize what really matters

• Has a network of trusted vendors and can save you time, money, and energy

• Is honest, real, and defensive of you

  
  

A good planner helps protect you from overwhelm, keeps the day running smoothly, and shields you from the countless decisions and details that don’t need your constant attention.

Hiring the right pro doesn’t mean giving up control — it means creating space to actually enjoy your engagement and wedding day without being in “project manager mode” the entire time. That is not what this time is about.

3. Get Comfortable with "Perfectly Imperfect"

When planning a wedding, you make a lot of decisions. Some of them — like the venue or the caterer — are big deals. But others? Not so much. Try using the 80/20 rule: spend your energy on the 20% of details that will create 80% of the impact. Let the rest be “perfectly imperfect" - And if you are type A like me, that may sound scary but here are some examples:

• If your napkins aren’t the exact shade of blush you imagined — no one will notice.

• If the playlist isn’t perfectly timed — people will still laugh at any delays and dance.

• If the weather is not perfect — we will have a rain plan in place and everyone who truly cares about you selflessly will have an extra drink and dance in the rain with you.

  
  

4. Expect (and Embrace) the Imperfect

Something will go wrong — a late delivery, a missing boutonnière, maybe even a spilled glass of red wine. That’s not failure. That’s life. And often, those “imperfect” moments turn into the best stories.

Some of the most memorable weddings aren’t the most polished — they’re the ones filled with real, raw, human moments. Laugh, adapt, and let the day unfold as it will.

5. Reconnect With Your “Why”

It’s easy to get caught in the weeds of napkin folds and centerpiece debates. When stress starts creeping in, pause and remember why you’re doing all this: you’re marrying someone you love.

The wedding is one day — your marriage is for life. Stay focused on that bigger picture, and suddenly the pressure to have a “perfect” day starts to soften. You will know you're with the right person when things get stressy and your partner protects you with empathy, humor, and positivity.

6. Practice Self-Compassion

If you slip into perfectionist habits, don’t beat yourself up. Be gentle with yourself. Wedding planning is emotional, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes. Take breaks, ask for help, and remember that you deserve joy in this process too.

7. Why Hiring a Wedding Planner Might Be the Best Decision You Make

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the details or worried about being a perfectionist, consider hiring a wedding planner who truly gets you. A great planner doesn’t just book vendors — they become your advocate, your calm in the chaos, and your trusted guide.

By partnering with a planner who listens and respects your wishes, you:

• Free up mental space to focus on your relationship and joy

• Avoid costly mistakes and last-minute crises

• Get expert advice tailored to your unique style and budget

• Have someone to handle the nitty-gritty so you can actually enjoy the process

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Planning a wedding is hard — you don’t have to do it alone. Here are two wonderful planners known for their down-to-earth, supportive approach:

• The Fancy Farm Fling — www.fancyfarmflingfling.comA planner who’s all about creating joyful, stress-free farm weddings with a warm, personal touch.

• First Class Elopements — www.firstclasselopements.com Specialists in intimate micro weddings and destination elopements, offering bespoke planning that honors your unique love story with the travel connections and without any pressure.

  
  

If you want to learn more about working with a planner who’s supportive, low-pressure, and genuinely cares about your vision, visiting their websites is a great first step.

Final Thoughts

Your wedding doesn’t need to be perfect — it needs to be yours.

So breathe. Hire help where it matters. Let go of what you can. Because when the day arrives, it won’t be the perfect napkin folds or exact playlist order you’ll remember. It’ll be the love, the people, and the joy of saying “I do.” And that, truly, is perfect.